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A Simple Way To Increase Respect In Your Relationships:

You and I both learned an important life lesson at a very early age: take turns.

If you have children you teach it all the time. One is playing with a toy, when another child comes along and grabs it because he wants to play with it. The first child cries or reacts in anger as she grabs the toy back, and a fight quickly ensues. As fast as we can, we jump in between the children and say: “you two need to take turns!”

How does this relate to better communication at work and at home?

At Work With Your Team:

Think back on your last team meeting. What went well? What didn’t?

Two way communication is critical for a team to succeed – where everyone understands the importance of each one sharing AND listening. All too often before one person has the chance to finish what they are saying, another jumps in on top of them with a different thought. Soon another does the same and another. Ideas, even good ones, are missed because people aren’t taking turns really listening to each other. Even when someone is able to share their entire thought without being interrupted, a very similar experience occurs as soon as there is silence – someone quickly jumps in to share their idea and then another follows suit and another.

What if there was a different norm? A question or idea is brought to the group’s attention, for the purpose of discussion and gaining further insight. The first person speaks up and has everyone else’s full attention. When finished speaking, it is obvious others are reflecting on what has been said. Questions are asked of the speaker to clarify or draw out additional ideas. Important takeaways are duly noted before someone else takes their turn to share an idea.

For communication to take place at its best, a team leader must foster a culture where each person is invited to speak and experience the respect of everyone else through intentional listening. Only then will mutual respect be experienced by all, and the optimal environment be in place to gain the most from the time together.

In team meetings or small groups, we must take turns – both speaking AND listening.

Today With Your spouse:

Tonight when you greet each other, take turns sharing about the day. Don’t be so eager to tell about your day that you cut the other person off in the middle of them telling about theirs. Listen intently instead. By doing so you are showing respect to your spouse.

Tonight With Your Kids:

Practice with your children as well. Give your full attention to them when you see them after school. Then ask them for a few moments of their time and attention as you share with them some about your day too. Being deliberate to do this will teach your children how taking turns when communicating is a way of showing respect to others. It will help them with friends and go along way in preparing them one day with a future mate and family.

Whenever In Conflict:

Perhaps nowhere is the need to take turns more apparent than when in conflict. It is a must. Each person is angry or hurt for some reason. Critical to solving that conflict is the act of giving each other an opportunity to share their side, while we listen to truly understand and appreciate their perspective.

Today and this weekend – practice and model taking turns when in dialogue with your team, your spouse, and your children.

Simple.

But powerful.

It will deepen mutual respect!

Now do this with me quickly – leave a short phrase or sentence below telling me one place today where you are going to put this into practice. Let’s encourage each other right now by writing it down in the comment section below:

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Give This Gift To Everyone Around You

Time and again we have heard people say: can we use PLEDGE in any relationship? And we want to shout YES YOU CAN! We have heard of people using it with their children, with their friends, with their parents, in their workplace, and even in politics!

Recently I was struck again with the thought that everyone has a story inside them. I was saddened and convicted that too often I don’t stop to hear their story. Sometimes, I even forget there is one. Nevertheless, there are deep things going on inside each of us. There is a story about our life growing up. There is story that has been lived out in our relationships as adults.

There is story each day we could tell – if there was someone to listen.

And that’s the catch…

if there is someone to listen.

Hear me in… the pain I feel. The anger I exhibit. The depression I experience. The addiction I cannot overcome. Hear me in those moments when I attempt to open up, as feeble as it may be. Hear me in the confusion that washes over my face when you talk to me. Hear me when I am silent, not knowing what to say. Hear me when I talk non-stop, keeping you at bay.

There is story waiting to be heard at every moment, with every person.

Taking time to listen is a gift we can give day after day, every day.

It is a gift to our spouse, a gift to our children, a gift to a friend, a gift to someone we work with, a gift to our neighbor, and a gift to the stranger on the street or the check-out person in the store.

This week I had the honor and privilege of being the guest author/speaker in my wife’s class with her second graders. It was great fun! I got my little kid fix! My wife is teaching PLEDGE to these children. As I was talking to them about pausing when they are mad, I asked if they had ever heard of the Golden Rule. Most had not. I taught them about treating others just like we would want them to treat us. They didn’t like it when someone said mean things to them. They didn’t want to say mean things to others either. Instead, they just want someone to listen when they are mad or hurt.

Everything we needed to learn for life we learned in – ok, second grade.

We all just want someone to listen.

When we are mad, or hurt, or afraid, or sad, or confused, or discouraged, or excited and happy and encouraged – we want to share our story with someone – if they will just listen.

So today, look around you. Watch for those moments when someone, some where, in some way is saying: “Will you hear me in _______?”

Ask them questions like:

How are you?

What is happening?

How are you feeling about ____?

If they give you a quick, brushed off answer, say: “No I mean it. How are you really?”

And give them the gift of listening to their story!

Share with us how you listened this week!