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PAUSE! (A GUEST POST BY Chris Greenlee:)
When I was first introduced to PLEDGEtalk, the first step: pause – immediately impacted my life because I began to pause before I spoke. Now, for those like me – who like to talk – you might relate to my view. For those that already pause before you speak (I commend you) – allow me to explain: it isn’t that I want to dominate conversations, because I love listening as well; but rather, I like to talk because I think what I choose to share is valuable and will be appreciated.
(Listen to Chris share this post, then discuss with Mark how learning to pause has changed Chris’s life!)
Since I began intentionally pausing before I speak, I have noticed that the person I am listening to isn’t always finished speaking when I am ready to begin speaking myself. I have realized that sometimes people like to pause in the middle of their stories. Sometimes they pause to gather their thoughts, while other times they pause just to catch a breath.
When I choose to PAUSE instead of cut in with my input, it allows the other person to finish their point.
Let me illustrate this with an all-too-familiar scenario: pretend I am listening to you tell a story. Your story has 3 main points to it and then your final conclusion. If, after you finish making your first point, you take a short pause to catch your breath and/or gather your thoughts, I jump in and pivot from your first point (either agreeing or disagreeing with it) and then steer the conversation into a different topic – would you be satisfied with our conversation if you never got to finish your story? Now, what if I allowed you to catch your breath, waited patiently while you gathered your thoughts, listened intently to your final conclusion, and then responded – would you be more satisfied with our conversation?
Unfortunately, I had to admit that I was “hi-jacking” conversations in order to share MY thoughts and in the process I have missed out on a better understanding of those around me by not showing them the respect they deserve by truly listening to them.
The power of PAUSE has recently appeared in my life in a new situation as well.
I recently had my first child, and for those of you that have not experienced parenthood – sometimes a baby cries and it is difficult to figure out how to soothe the child. That may sound simple, but in reality, when another human being is screaming in your ear for an extended period of time it can test our patience and drive us to our mental, emotional, and physical limits. Incidentally, as my newborn son was screaming in my ear for an extended period of time, I recalled the other purpose of PAUSE – to take a break and think about the other person: What kind of relationship do I want to have with them? How much do they mean to me? What do they really need right now? How can I truly love them?
Since I have begun the habit of asking my wife for a short break from failing to console my child, I have been able to shift my perspective to his needs and realized that he isn’t mad at me; he just has needs that are difficult for him to communicate. This has given me the break I needed and allowed me to come back to him “on his side” as I approach him with more empathy and true love. Just realizing that he isn’t yelling AT me – but is yelling FOR me to help him – has changed everything and made parenting much more enjoyable.
Every conversation in my life has been improved and I am a better father to my newborn son: that is the power of PAUSE!
I hope that my words encourage you to use the power of pausing in your relationships and that it serves you as well as it has served me!
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Thank you to Chris Greenlee–an entrepreneur in Wichita, Kansas, and expert in training people in the skills of optimizing their time. I (Mark) have greatly benefited from Chris and his training and coaching! I would go so far as saying it is changing my life! If you are interested in working with Chris, you can reach him at: christoddgreenlee@gmail.com)
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We are on a mission to improve relationships and create peace–one conversation at a time!
How has PAUSING helped you in your conversations? Leave a comment or example below. OR leave a comment to thank Chris for him sharing his experience with us! And if you would like to write a guest blog and be on my blogcast, email me at: mark@pledgetalk.com
Awesome interview! I really like this! Asking, “what kind of relationship do I want to have with him?” “What does he really need?” “How can I truly love him?” are all such critical questions for the first weeks, months and years of life.