Hi Katoasha – so sorry I never responded to this until I just saw it now. I would agree it is VERY hard and frustrating when we are shut out by someone we genuinely love. I recently added to the article an ACTION Plan you might find helpful if you see or get notification of this. That URL is: https://pledgetalk.com/when-they-wont-talk

You are welcome Linda! Thanks for your encouraging words. And you bless me when you speak of how you are still learning – indeed every day is another opportunity to learn, until the day we die! Then, the doors open to a whole lot more learning!!!

All great thoughts and good questions my friend! No doubt that at times, silence and withdrawing can be self-protective and even used to get even or punish others. When and if that is the case, it would be good to talk about – how it impacts others and damages relationships further. And I agree that it doesn’t take long for each person in a marriage to settle into a fight or flight style of handling conflict. The question in my mind is why? What is taking place between both parties that causes one to migrate to one style or another? And rather than accusing or confronting one or the other, my hope is that the couple sit down and talk together about the why, about the dynamics between them, and about things they can both do to move in a better direction together with their communication. That is where PLEDGEtalk comes in. It provides a guide for them to have discussions like this that might otherwise be rather difficult. Thanks again for your thoughts my friend!

Thank you Marcia! Very thankful I can be as you say a “primer” in loving well. That is truly my hope!

I don’t expect an answer… just thought I would encourage you to ponder and then writing about, at what point do we need to reach out to others to help us in our efforts to connect with someone that has gone silent, retreated, pulled back, and won’t talk?

While we all can have a wounded spirit and may need some time to process our thoughts and emotions, I have noticed that it doesn’t take long after being married a few years, if not even just months, to see that one person generally chooses more of a flight and the other more a fight response.

I like the idea in Eph 4:29 of learning how to breath life and use encouraging words to build others up instead of tearing them down.

I wonder if silence and withdrawing is sometimes used as a form of punishment?

Is it possible that people who typically withdraw, go silent, and won’t share need to ask God to help them to mature and overcome sinful self protective behaviors that destroy relationships?

On the other hand, is there a place in the Body of Christ where we are called to avoid relationship with certain people?
Is there a place for shunning?