This year of 2020 I want to make 5 strong suggestions for your reading in communication that will be extremely helpful.
Every one of the following resources have been extremely helpful in growing my skills and understanding of how to love well in the way I communicate to others and resolve conflict. I know they will be for you too!
Think of communication as the hub of a wheel. Everything is connected and dependent upon the hub for the wheel to turn. In the same way, all of your interactions, all of your problem solving, and all of the growth in your relationship is connected to and dependent on your ability to communicate in a healthy and helpful manner.
Here are the five best resources I recommend for your reading on communication this year:
NonViolent Communication
By Marshall B. Rosenberg, PhD
“If ‘violent’ means acting in ways that result in hurt or harm, then much of how we communicate could indeed be called ‘violent’ communication.” (On the cover of the book.)
A good friend recommended this to me three years ago. I have underlined, circled, starred more in this book than I have in most. It is chocked full of insights, practical ideas, and direction on how to express one’s needs and hear the needs of others leading the way to real breakthrough in relationships. You will need to read this multiple times to gain all the knowledge between the two covers.
Crucial Conversations
By Patterson, Grenny, McMillan & Switzler
“Tools for talking when stakes are high.” (from the cover)
I was introduced to this book when I heard one of the authors at a conference. He was speaking my language and my heart. I knew it was a book I had to read. Highly practical direction for what to do and say when a conversation takes a sudden twist and you know that what happens next is “crucial” for how matters turn out. Again – you will find yourself going back to this book often!
Never Split The Difference
“Negotiating as if your life depended on it.” (front cover)
While listening to a podcast, this author was introduced as the top FBI hostage negotiator in the nation! I thought to myself, I’ll bet this guy knows a thing or two about dealing with conflict! So I bought the book. I wasn’t disappointed. I have put his principles to use and negotiated a great deal on a large screen TV with a worker at Sam’s Club (didn’t know that could even happen.) Then I lost a deal on buying a car and pulled out the book again to see what I missed.
This is a fun read, by a brilliant individual who has had to learn how to communicate successfully with others because indeed his and others’ lives depended upon it. It also helped that a lot of what he wrote coincided with what I have written in my book. I am sure you won’t be disappointed reading this!
The PLEDGE of a Lifetime
“Her hope for connection, His guide through conflict.” (front cover)
In every conversation and every conflict, there are two components: the content of the dialogue, and the process by which the content is being discussed. What sets my book apart from all others about handling conflict, is that I focus on the process.
Just as there is a recipe to follow to make a good dish, or a plan to execute the next play in football, there is a critical recipe or plan one must follow in order to have a healthy and helpful dialogue over our differences. With no plan, you will fumble the conversation, tackle the wrong subject, and lose the relationship. So read the book, execute the plan, and make every conversation a win-win for everyone!
BONUS: The Larger Story
I have been counseling individuals and couples for over 30 years now – but I am just getting started! 🙂 (Threw that in there rather than what I first wrote about feeling old!)
Who I am today and whatever help I have been to others has been dependent upon many people, but most significantly my parents for all the love, nurture and spiritual direction they gave me, and two men who were my mentors and instructors in my counseling degree. The main instructor was Dr. Larry Crabb and Dr. Dan Allender. It would take hours upon hours to detail how their lives and thinking has shaped mine. I will forever be grateful to them.
The new website, largerstory.com, is a legacy to Dr. Crabb, where you can find all of his works in one location–books, teachings, videos, writings and more. I invite you to bookmark this site, and throughout this year and the years to come, read and learn from the wisest man I know!
What books or resources have you read would you put in the category “best ever” for strengthening relationships? Comment below and tell me about them!
Thanks,
–Mark Oelze
PLEDGEtalk
Leave a Reply
Want to join the discussion?Feel free to contribute!