WHY YOU AND I ARE HERE TOGETHER NOW.
We have all had formative experiences growing up that largely shape who we are today.
Mine all seemed to revolve around words.
Words that brought shame. A lot of shame.
Words that made me feel inadequate.
Words that hurt others I loved.
Thankfully there were other words also.
Words of love.
Words that encouraged.
Words that inspired.
There is a Proverb that says: “Life and death are in the power of the tongue.”
Every word we say has the power to bring a smile to someone’s face or tears to their eyes.
Every word.
Think about that.
I have most of my life.
PLEDGEtalk is all about learning how to use our words to bring forth life in our marriages, families, friendships, workplaces, and really everywhere we go. We focus specifically on training how to use six steps of communication with the PLEDGE acronym as a reminder of those steps.
Some people are interested in hearing more of how PLEDGEtalk began. Here is the short version:
THE YEAR WAS 2010.
I was working in a private practice as a marriage and family counselor, sitting with yet another couple arguing in front of me for what seemed like the thousandth time. I thought to myself: what is wrong with this picture? What are these couples missing? I wondered how my wife and I worked through conflict in a far less intense manner, and what we did differently than the couple sitting in my office?
From a discussion that night with my wife Zerrin, we made two discoveries:
- First, we named six specific steps we used to solve our conflicts. Each one was necessary for us to connect and get back to health.
- Second, we noted that each step naturally resonates within us. We know them to be true. Each step has a natural soothing effect in our relationships.
We thought further about:
Naming the steps.
There is power when you name something. We had observed that in spite of the supporting research, we rarely use the six steps well–if at all–especially when in conflict. Naming the steps would enable us to intentionally recall each one when needed and bring health to the relationship.
Each step naturally resonates within us.
We knew what good communication felt like when it happened. It resonated within us. And we understood why. We were made to connect. That’s when we really got excited about PLEDGEtalk. Each step naturally led to connection. We believed if we could teach the steps to others, they too could learn to connect well even in the most difficult times of conflict.
After our discoveries, we began teaching PLEDGEtalk in counseling and marriage conferences. Before long, people asked if they could use the process with their children, or a friend, or in their workplace. With each question we responded with more enthusiasm. Yes of course! Absolutely!
And as they say: the rest is history.
We began with the marriage conference – which we still do. But now we offer the PLEDGEtalk training in a variety of other settings as well:
- Through marriage conferences
- To parents and children together
- To entire churches and communities
- For businesses
- For schools
- As an online class
Well there you have it — the backstory of PLEDGEtalk–in a nutshell!
It has been 7 years since we began but feel like we are just getting started. God-willing there is much more to come.
Through it all, we have come to believe this:
You have the power to speak life or death to those around you.
Our goal is to help you speak life!
About Mark Oelze
Here is my whole family celebrating our son’s defense of his dissertation at Florida International University!
That brunette on the right in the back is my beautiful wife. She looks as young as the rest!