What is it about conflict that causes most of us to despise it? To avoid it at all costs? To shut it down or the other person down as quickly as possible? Why is it so difficult?

There are at least three reasons:

First, it’s not comfortable even in the simplest of conflicts. At worst, it is terrifying.

Second, our experience with conflict is very poor. We have been misunderstood, hurt, wronged, and even abused.

Third, we don’t know what to do when it happens.

Thankfully, for those of us who know and understand PLEDGEtalk, the above three concerns are largely mitigated. We now know what to do when conflict happens. We can start creating a new history with positive experiences involving conflict. And lastly, though it may still be uncomfortable to a degree, it doesn’t have to create such discomfort that it holds us back from engaging in conflict when it arises.

This week’s video added an additional help to all of us when it comes to conflict. It could become a game-changing paradigm shift* for most of us.  We might call it:  Look, Love, and Learn.

We LOOK for conflict, choose to LOVE, and seek to LEARN what we may from the experience.

One could also say, when conflict arises we LOOK squarely at it (rather than avoid it in some way), and endeavor to LOVE well in the process, even as we seek to LEARN what we may from the experience.

LOOK, LOVE and LEARN.

Keep in mind we could go to the other extreme with this idea by looking under every tone or look or word spoken to see if more is really being said than what first appears. It wouldn’t be long before that kind of LOOKING would not feel very LOVING, and quickly cause conflict in and of itself!

Remember instead, the LOOK, LOVE, and LEARN idea is first a paradigm shift when it comes to our view of conflict. We no longer have to see conflict in such a negative light. It can be a positive and even beneficial experience. Secondarily the LOOK, LOVE, and LEARN ideas become the underlying reasons and motives for engaging in conflict. When we find ourselves in conflict, or it arises somewhere in our view we look towards rather than away. We remind ourselves to love even as we seek to create a learning experience for all when engaging in that conflict.

Thoughts?  Comments? Leave them below – thank you!!

(*Thanks for the term paradigm shift Lois!)