Further thoughts: Why is it so hard to listen to someone who is angry at you?

You know the experience – so do I. You have said or done something to someone which was apparently frustrating or hurtful. You didn’t mean to (or maybe you did) but they are reacting.

Why is it so hard to listen to them? And what can we do to change that?

It’s never fun having someone angry at you. At the very least it is quite uncomfortable, and at the most it is scary. As a result, we put up our guard and our fists – so to speak. We have been hurt or misunderstood in the past and we’re not about to get hurt again. We are ready to fight back!

Unless…

There is something of higher importance to us at that moment like:

• doing the right thing rather than doing the thing that feels good at the moment
• actually living out the proverb: “do unto others what you would have them do unto you.”
• keeping the relationship and making it stronger.
• And LOVE.  Oh yeah – that too!

I’ll be the first to admit…

IT IS HARD!!!

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my own reactivity. I am far more reactive than I like to admit. It’s why, when I am in a conflict, I have to work really hard at keeping myself on pause. I so want to jump in and show the other person where they are wrong! Rarely if ever is that helpful though.

And so…

• I hit my own personal pause button again and again and again (did I say again?)
• I do my utmost to stay quiet lest I speak unhelpful or even hurtful words.
• I remind myself again and again and again (here I go again!) of who the person is to me, of what I want to model to others, and of how I most want to live my life.
• I tell myself: I want to be known as a lover, not a reactor!
• And so, I LISTEN!
• I work hard to listen NOT to where they are in error, but to what I can learn. What is their perspective? What is the story in their head about what happened? What are they longing for in the relationship?

The next time someone is angry at you, will you do the same?