At the core of conflict lies the existence of differences.

In marriage, writer and Theologian, GK Chesterton, called it incompatibility:

“I have known many happy marriages, but never a compatible one. The whole aim of marriage is to fight through and survive the instant when incompatibility becomes unquestionable. For a man and a woman, AS SUCH —– ARE INCOMPATIBLE.”

We are all incompatible with each other in one way or another. This is because there are no two people exactly alike on the planet. Whether it is today or tomorrow, there will be moments in time, seasons, and experiences, that will bring about feelings of incompatibility.

One could argue that differences, conflict, felt or real incompatibility are all various points on a continuum. What is most important, however, is what we will do when they occur.

Chesterton said the real issue is “fighting through the moments when the incompatibility becomes unquestionable.”  In other words – there you are. You know the other person is mad or hurt, or you are mad or hurt. Someone has rolled their eyes. There is a tone that was heard. You or another has shut down or walked away. It is unquestionable – you have come to a moment in time when you are incompatible or are in conflict. It is right then and there you must be determined to FIGHT!

But, you must fight FOR the relationship… you must fight FOR each other, not AGAINST each other!

Saying it another way, neither I nor Chesterton would suggest that you learn how to argue or fight well against each other. We are saying you must fight FOR the relationship by fighting THROUGH those moments!

You see – when a conflict happens…and you feel at odds or incompatible – there is an enemy that wants to see the relationship destroyed. In the Bible, the enemy is called satan. If you don’t believe in satan, you might use other terms like evil, self-centeredness, or greed. These are all enemies of relationships. THESE are what we must fight THROUGH to save the relationship.

We must all fight at times through our own tendencies to be greedy or think more of ourselves and less about others. We must all fight through our desires to protect ourselves even at the expense of causing others to feel outcast. We must all fight at times through our desire to hurt someone back when they have hurt us. We must all fight through our thoughts and motives that are dark.

When we fight THROUGH our own enemies rather than AGAINST the other person, we pave the way to learn from our differences; for conflict to be resolved; and for incompatibilities to at least be understood if not done away.

And LOVE

begins

to EMERGE

and

extend —– towards another.

What does it take for us to fight THROUGH our own enemies so that LOVE begins to emerge?  Leave your comment below!