Image by Gaertringen from Pixabay

Why is it so hard to be silent with someone?

There are numerous times in life when being quiet or silent is best. We wake up in the morning before anyone else, so we practice silence. We are watching a movie, attending church, or have been called to an important business meeting and must be quiet and silent. We are playing hide and seek with our children or grandchildren and we are silent – unless of course, we are helping them find us. We attend a wedding or a funeral and there are times of silence.

No doubt we can all think of times when we know we should remain silent but it is so hard to do so. Why?

Here are five reasons:

1. We feel like we SHOULD say something so we do.
2. It’s uncomfortable to remain in silence.
3. We get an idea which we interpret as now having something we think is important to say.
4. We like talking and telling people what we think, so we take silence as a sign of our time to talk.
5. We aren’t aware there was a need for silence or that silence can be a good or helpful thing.

Note how each reason for why we “can’t” remain silent, has something to do with self being the focus. We feel like WE should say something, we are uncomfortable, we get an idea, or we like talking. And with number five, we haven’t thought long enough to even consider the needs of the moment.

With a simple shift of focus from our self to that of others, we can offer the wonder of silence.

• When there is silence in a group, it offers others the opportunity to speak up who would not necessarily do so.
• When silence is uncomfortable like at a funeral, it offers space and time for the one grieving to process their loss even as they are deeply encouraged simply by your presence.
• When we keep silent rather than immediately expressing our ideas, it can enable us to consider if and when the best time is to share the idea, even as we stay focused on actively appreciating what others are saying.
• When we remain silent rather than talk because we like talking, we discipline ourselves to become better listeners so that others can experience being heard.
• And when we stop long enough to consider the need for silence, we become more self-aware enabling us to consider what might be most helpful to all at the moment.

When practiced deliberately and thoughtfully, silence is indeed a wondrous gift we can give to anyone and everyone!

Why else might it be hard to remain silent? What other wonders might take place if we choose to be silent in a given moment rather than give in to the urge to speak?

Leave a comment below to get us thinking!

Mark Oelze, Author/Creator of PLEDGEtalk