Further thoughts on how to connect!
We were five minutes into a conversation – just five minutes – and I could tell my eyes were watering. I was tearing up. Why? How in such a short amount of time?
LISTENING!
(CLICK HERE for the youtube SHORT!)
I knew it all had to do with listening!
I had been paired up with the trainer in a refresher course on counseling, who had been teaching about how to communicate. One of us was to share something significant that was going on in our life at the time, and the other was simply to listen.
I shared and my partner – the instructor – listened.
She listened WELL.
And I was in tears.
Why?
We all want to know that we matter at the core of who we are. That someone sees us, understands us, and cares. In short, that we are loved.
This is universally true about all mankind.
Some people might try to argue with their words or actions that they don’t want to be loved, but I promise you it’s a front. They have been so hurt in life they won’t allow themselves to even think about it, let alone let anyone else know love is what they want. So they act independent, tough, cool, hard, never letting on that they need anything or anyone. But as I said, it’s a front. It’s not true. It’s a lie they communicate, even to themselves. Keep this in mind – not to call them liars – but to love them anyway. Over time the walls will come down.
Why was I in tears? Because I was experiencing being cared for or loved by someone in the way they were listening to me.
She acted very interested in what I was saying – because she was interested. It wasn’t just practice.
How interested are you really – am I – when someone is talking to us?
Her whole posture signaled to me she was listening. Her eyes, face, and body position all communicated that I mattered, that she cared. And I felt loved.
How often do you – do I – think about how we posture ourselves when someone is speaking? Do we lean in? Ask questions? Look interested? Sit in wonder with what someone might be sharing with us?
Note again the effect – within 5 minutes I had tears in my eyes. How we communicate with others and why changes everything. In this case, it turned a routine practice listening session into an emotionally stirring real-life moment having such an impact that I remember it 10 years later!
When you finish reading this, who will you likely see first?
Go now. Be different in the way you relate to that person. Listen well with your entire being. In doing so, you will give that person a very real taste of love. And they just might remember it for the rest of their lives!
Mark Oelze, Author/Creator of PLEDGEtalk
