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Using Your Time – How do you better utilize the time in your day?

Further Thoughts on Doing THIS With Your Time!  6/22/23

Every day of our lives we are faced with a question. What will we do today with our time? We only have so much – there is no way to gain more or multiply it. Like money from our paycheck, we will spend our time in some way, but what way?

If you watched this Tuesday’s video (you can view it HERE), you will recall me telling you about stopping on my walks to talk to neighbors. In doing so I must confess, I often experience ambivalence when the opportunity arises to talk or keep on with my walk. I experience further ambivalence the longer I stay in the conversation – do I continue to engage or seek a way to wind it down so I can get back on my walk?

Just. Being. Honest.

You might experience the same.

Do you linger at the dinner table a little longer to listen to your children chatter or your spouse share about their day? Or do you excuse yourself as quickly as you can to get back to that project? Or, do you even take time to eat together with the family at all?

Do you say hi to your neighbor when going in and out of the house or quickly dash inside so you don’t have to talk?

Do you hurry out of church?

Do you look at the cashier and even wonder how they are doing?

Do you take walks, hold someone’s hand, or sit to enjoy and/or offer your presence with someone who may not have as much of a sense of purpose or love in their life as you might have?

I could go on and on with questions like these which often come to mind and stop me in my tracks.

To be sure, we can’t always spend the amount of time we would like to with someone or the amount of time they would like us to with them. There ARE projects or other needs to which we must attend. Again, there is only so much available time on any given day.

The challenge I face, and the challenge I give to you is this:

How often do you stop and look around at the faces you see and ask yourself what is most important right here and now? To get on with my agenda? Or to perhaps deviate from that even if it is for just a short bit to bring a little encouragement or hope to someone through your presence and your time?

Ok – that is all the time I have now for this post. Trust me though when I say, as I write this, I linger with you in the challenge. What helps me most when I am not sure which way to go, is the value and realization I have come to believe in life – that there is nothing more important in life than relationships!

Who will you spend more time with this week as a result of reading this? Leave a comment below!

Mark Oelze, Author/Creator of PLEDGEtalk

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Listening to Others – What does listening communicate?

Further Thoughts on Listening to Other’s Stories…  6/15/23

(* To learn more on today’s thoughts, go HERE to watch a short video.)

We often think communication is speaking, but listening is also a form of communicating. By listening to another, we communicate to them:

  • you exist
  • you matter
  • what you say matters
  • you are valuable
  • you are important
  • I care for you
  • you are worthy of my time

Put it all together:

“Right here and now I want to take my time to communicate to you by my listening that I see you. I hear you. I care for you. You are important to me. I value our relationship. Because of this you matter, and what you say matters.”

Listening is one of the most significant ways to communicate love to another human being.

Consider further even one of the “messages“ we communicate to another when we listen.

“You exist.”

At the core of every human being, is this passionate cry to know that we matter here on earth – that there is reason for our very existence. And being shown by another they see us and hear us – that in their eyes we exist and have value – brings a sense of deep purpose.

Ok – stop a moment.

Think: who is the first person that comes to mind that you know you need to or want to communicate love by carefully and genuinely listening to them?

Now, before the day is done – go and listen!

What do you hear being communicated to you when someone takes time to listen? Leave a comment below to let me know you are “listening!” 😊

Mark Oelze, Author/Creator of PLEDGEtalk

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Demonstrating Kindness – The One Thing You Can Do So Others WANT to Be Around You!

Further Thoughts on Kindness: The One Thing You Can Do So Others WANT to Be Around You! 6/8/23

Recently, I spoke of how kindness and beauty have one thing in common: they both attract.

It’s one of the reasons I love being around my wife. She is one of the kindest people I know. She makes bread for neighbors, regularly writes notes to family and friends, graciously helps to take care of my parents, puts the extra touch on times of celebration in our home and gifts we give, and more.

I personally experience her kindness through her tireless listening to me processing life and thoughts from the day; through her encouragement of me on a very regular basis in all my emotional ups and downs and times of self-doubt; through her love and acceptance of me and all my faults; through her cheerleading all my efforts to have an impact in the world around us. And because of this, there is no one in the world I would rather be around. She supports me more than anyone I know.

I remember experiencing kindness for the first time when I was eight years old at a church camp six hours from home, crying because I was homesick! The camp Director of 300 children took me aside, into his office and spent some time loving on me, and helping me through my pain. That was 56 years ago and I have a very strong memory still yet of that experience in my mind.

Kindness does that I think – it’s experience registers deep within our souls.

I remember attending some counselor training 15 years ago and partnering up with one of the leaders for an exercise of listening well. She suggested I share first about something significant going on in my life. I did, and within two minutes, I was surprised to have tears whelming up in my eyes. I wondered how that could happen so quickly! After just a few moments of reflection, I knew why. This trainer I was matched up with, knew how to listen well. And she did so very genuinely.

Again, my soul was moved and stirred to tears.

I experience being “kinded“ when undergoing medical care, and the caregiver is especially caregiving. I experience kindness by the smile and extra effort made to help me when I am in a store. Kindness stirs me to great appreciation when a neighbor stops by to offer help when they see me working on a project.

There are countless ways kindness can be expressed. But it always has this effect on me: I am drawn to the person who shows it. I even marvel at them!

Communicating to others, in a way that shows they matter is a way you and I can demonstrate kindness every day, all day long, in each conversation. It is what the principles of PLEDGEtalk are all about!
Tell us below about an experience where you were “kinded” by someone!

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Fighting Conflict – What if we saw conflict THIS way instead?

Further Thoughts on What If We Saw Conflict THIS way?

At the core of conflict lies the existence of differences.

In marriage, writer and Theologian, GK Chesterton, called it incompatibility:

“I have known many happy marriages, but never a compatible one. The whole aim of marriage is to fight through and survive the instant when incompatibility becomes unquestionable. For a man and a woman, AS SUCH —– ARE INCOMPATIBLE.”

We are all incompatible with each other in one way or another. This is because there are no two people exactly alike on the planet. Whether it is today or tomorrow, there will be moments in time, seasons, and experiences, that will bring about feelings of incompatibility.

One could argue that differences, conflict, felt or real incompatibility are all various points on a continuum. What is most important, however, is what we will do when they occur.

Chesterton said the real issue is “fighting through the moments when the incompatibility becomes unquestionable.”  In other words – there you are. You know the other person is mad or hurt, or you are mad or hurt. Someone has rolled their eyes. There is a tone that was heard. You or another has shut down or walked away. It is unquestionable – you have come to a moment in time when you are incompatible or are in conflict. It is right then and there you must be determined to FIGHT!

But, you must fight FOR the relationship… you must fight FOR each other, not AGAINST each other!

Saying it another way, neither I nor Chesterton would suggest that you learn how to argue or fight well against each other. We are saying you must fight FOR the relationship by fighting THROUGH those moments!

You see – when a conflict happens…and you feel at odds or incompatible – there is an enemy that wants to see the relationship destroyed. In the Bible, the enemy is called satan. If you don’t believe in satan, you might use other terms like evil, self-centeredness, or greed. These are all enemies of relationships. THESE are what we must fight THROUGH to save the relationship.

We must all fight at times through our own tendencies to be greedy or think more of ourselves and less about others. We must all fight through our desires to protect ourselves even at the expense of causing others to feel outcast. We must all fight at times through our desire to hurt someone back when they have hurt us. We must all fight through our thoughts and motives that are dark.

When we fight THROUGH our own enemies rather than AGAINST the other person, we pave the way to learn from our differences; for conflict to be resolved; and for incompatibilities to at least be understood if not done away.

And LOVE

begins

to EMERGE

and

extend —– towards another.

What does it take for us to fight THROUGH our own enemies so that LOVE begins to emerge?  Leave your comment below!

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The “WIN” Mindset – How do you avoid it?

Further Thoughts on What to Avoid to NOT Ruin Your Relationships!

Don’t make it your goal to WIN when you are in a conflict! THAT mentality will lead to the ruin of your relationships!

Now you might say “I’m not out to win! I just want to get him to see my point!”

OR:  “She is always right. I can’t take it anymore. She has to see there are other ways of looking at things!”

I get it.

I understand both ideas. Frustrating experiences for sure.

Maybe if I define what I mean by “win” you might find it more helpful. Here’s how I would define having a “win” mindset when you enter into a conversation or argument:

  • when the number one goal is to be sure YOU are being heard
  • when you know you are right and you are doing all you can to make sure the other person knows it
  • when you are doing more talking than listening
  • when what you are listening for is all the errors in thinking that the other person mention
  • when consciously or subconsciously there is the idea that there is only one right answer and you have it.

The “win mindset” is most noticeably present:

  • when you know you are being reactive
  • when you experience some kind of anger – whether it is irritation, frustration, aggravation, rage, being ticked, or just plain anger.
What can we do when we discover we have a “win” mindset that is driving us and damaging our relationship?

Ask yourself what you want most.  To win or be winsome?  I fear for your relationships if winning stays the predominant focus. But if you sought to be winsome – you might positively affect the relationship.

Winsome comes from the Old English wynn, meaning “joy” or “pleasure.” (Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary)

A verse in the Bible, Romans 12: 20, 21 says:

“If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him a drink. For in so doing, you will heap burning coals on his head.” 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”

Whereas the person you are having conflict with may not be your “enemy,” the principles still apply. What if instead of fighting to be right, we sought instead to overcome our differences by changing focus and doing something good for or to the other?  What if we did acts of kindness, or sought to bring them joy? And what if we spent more time working on ourselves than working on changing the other?

By “offering them a drink” or food for their hunger, could we become winsome in our approach and maybe in doing so, even win some?

Just some thoughts.

What are your thoughts in relation to mine?  Leave them below!

Mark Oelze, Author/Creator of PLEDGEtalk

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